Uvalda, GA - In this one stoplight town of 600 people, a Republican, conservative Christian mayor is digging in to fight a law that would criminalize assisting illegal immigrants — some of whom he considers amongst his closest friends.
"But this moment provides an opportunity to reconsider whether we ought to force people to marry — whether they be gay or straight — to have their committed relationships recognized and valued."
While I definitely am thrilled and supportive of NY’s move to legalize gay marriage, and absolutely believe that everyone should have the right to get married if they choose, this article makes an important point.
I have mixed feelings about the institution of marriage (speaking from a secular perspective, of course) and it’s something I’m still working through. However, having been faced with what seemed like an ultimatum to marry two years ago, and finding that validating my own commitment was infinitely harder without that piece of paper, I do find it troubling that, for the majority of society, marriage is the ultimate (and often only) recognized sign of commitment. This can leave those who decide not to marry stuck defending our choices and our commitment, something that I find incredibly frustrating.
Like the author of this piece, I celebrate and endorse every single person who chooses marriage. I find it upsetting when someone dismisses my position as “being against marriage.” No. Not at all. That girl wiping tears during the vows? Me, definitely. It can be a beautiful and powerful celebration of commitment, but I don’t think it should be treated as “one size fits all.”
I am absolutely for marriage, for everyone who chooses it, and I believe that this option should be available for every loving couple, gay or straight, around the world. But let’s work on ‘recognizing’ and ‘valuing’ other forms of commitment too.
I don’t do many personal posts like I used to, but this feels too personal not to let it out.
Collectively while living in Maine for 3 months then living in Brooklyn for 2 months I was called “sir” once. I’ve been in Arkansas for 9 or 10 days, and I have my old job back. Since this past Monday I have been called “sir” 3 times. I don’t want to allow myself for this to bother me, but my heart says it grinds my gears.
I had my hair cut over a year ago, and I’ve been mistaken for a male numerous accounts. There’s no way to keep count at this point. Believe me.. I understand that people mistake males for females or females for males sometime. But DAMN. I’ve never been “all about” being a woman because I am a person and my gender shouldn’t matter. As of recently, when someone refers to me as “him” or “sir” I get significantly offended, and I want to crawl in a shell and hide somewhere in the open spaces of Arkansas. It’s the culture that I’m around while living in the South. A young girl asked her mother, “is that a boy?” after serving their table. I walked away because confrontation and awkwardness is no friend of mine.
Thanks for thinking I’m a cute 16 year old boy little 12 year old girl. But, y’know, that’s now how it’s working.
All of this puts a bad feeling in my chest, and as many of you may or may not know, I’m a sensitive gal. I want people to be good always. I love everything: the epic, profound things, the disagreements people unnecessarily put themselves through. It’s fascinating.
The general manager at my job got so offended by this today that she almost approached the customers who thought I was a male. She thinks I am so beautiful and has “no idea how someone could mistake your pretty face as a boy” and I agree with her. She has started calling me Miss Vagina because she understands how important sexual identity is, and she doesn’t want someone to hurt her sweet Sara.
This is a vent session. I’m not angry. I’m hurt. Enlighten me on this, I’m always up for listening. Especially to my fellow Southerners and cute little gay wads.
Ever been mistaken for your own gender identity?
Nailed it Sara. Since cutting my hair short over a year ago, I have had very similar experiences of being called “sir”, being told I look like a boy and being asked if I am gay*.
Rarely do I make a big deal out of such instances. Often I will appear to laugh it off and move on. But I get offended every time this happens. Let me be clear: though I am heterosexual, I am not offended by the notion that people might think I am gay. What offends me is that these are people I socialise and work with on regular occasions, who still retain outdated beliefs that a person who identifies in a particular way should necessarily fulfill the stereotype of that identity, and vice versa.
Once I was in a store’s fitting rooms, and as I headed to the ladies side, the sales assistant called out loudly, “That side’s for females. Are you a female?”. Stunned, I quickly blurted out a “yes” then proceeded to fume in embarrassment from the confines of the fitting room cubicle. I thought of a dozen things I wanted to say to that lady when I walked outside, hopefully in front of lots of passers by, but I never did say anything to her. I don’t like confrontation, but more than that I find it hard to justify spending a moment of my time engaging with ignorant and rude people.
One thing that helps in a small way is to remind myself of what is the true source of my offense. I am not offended because I am unhappy with or uncertain of who I am. I am hurt and saddened that, even amongst the highly educated people I associate with personally and professionally, stereotypes and labels remain pervasive and unscrutinised. And it forces me to ask the bigger question of “How far have we really come?” Days like today (with the legalisation of same-sex marriage in NY state) are uplifting, but I am disheartened by the ingrained views of those who influence my daily life.
* Only one person who has ever asked me if I am gay in the past 18 months has done so with clearly-evident sensitivity and without judgment.
“This is not who I am. This is only who I’ve currently imagined myself capable of becoming. To become more, to be better, I must allow my imagination, my image, of myself to grow… and with the increased perception, the will or intention to expand necessarily fills the difference.”—Scott Sonnon
“You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case you fail by default.”—JK Rowling.
randomrantings replied to your post: “SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME WHY I AM DOING THIS?!”
I’VE FORGOTTEN MY OWN REASONS!!!!
cupofchi replied to your post: “SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME WHY I AM DOING THIS?!”
Um, you like it? Or you did at one point? Can you remember that? (If it’s too dire, just start drinking…)
I would like to see the statistics on incidences of alcohol abuse along the time course of a PhD! :)
cupofchi replied to your post: “I seem to emerge from my supervisor meetings…”
This seems to happen every few months to me…I just feel really disconnected from the whole thing for a bit. Perhaps a break (or breakthrough?) is just what you need!
I definitely need a break. I’m trying to get better at listening to what my body and mind are telling me, but apparently I’ve been ignoring them for a while now…
I seem to emerge from my supervisor meetings feeling deflated, like I haven’t been working enough or on the right things. Or maybe it was just bad timing, in combination with a bunch of other factors: family stresses, financial stress, busting my arse to get a second draft submitted, not sleeping enough, not exercising enough, not having any days off the PhD for about a month. Since the last meeting, I’ve been drifting a bit mentally and physically. I feel like I’m not really here, like I’m just going through the motions. But as much as I would prefer to wallow until the feeling passes, I can’t afford to be slacking off because I know it will only put greater pressure on my work in the near future.
Anyway, I have an official date set for my confirmation now. It’s a little further away than I was hoping, but it’s a solid deadline all the same. So with the deadline pushed back from the arbitrary June 30 target, I am spreading my focus to also encompass some data management, processing and possibly analysis.
I love a good infographic, and this is definitely one right up my alley. I love the changes that online learning is making to the staid old method of delivering education to students. Power to the learners!
“It’s a magic that moves mountains, creates art, and starts wars, a magic that allows us to go on, both (literally) helping to create new life and also making it something worth living. At its best, it’s a feeling of everything finally working out. An integration. A completion. And to lose that - to have it and know it and then to lose it - that takes something awful out of us. We are never quite the same. We recover, we go on, we heal, but we remember. We beat ourselves up with what-ifs and should-haves, trying to pin down the moment where it all went wrong, as if such a singular moment existed. We regret being so vulnerable, putting ourselves out there, and we wonder if it’s ever worth risking ourselves, our hearts, again. (It is.) It wears us out, love. It wears us out.”
60-Day PhD Writing Challenge Day 12: Evaluate your sources; Write for 15 min
Day 12: Evaluate your current sources
Today’s task is to look at the sources you have and ask yourself the following:
Are they current?
Are they relevant?
Are they primary or secondary research?
Is secondary research okay to include?
Are there any sources that my sources cite that I may want to include?
Are there any I should take out?
These are great questions. I’m looking forward to combing my gigantic reference list to make it more focused.
A couple things I’ve noticed about my references in preparing my lit review and research proposal:
Quite a few authors of my key articles have not always cited primary sources. Naughty! Also has made my job quite a bit more tedious than it needed to be.
Even though I have collected a mass of references, there are two clear gaps in the literature which is exciting because these gaps fit well with the premise of my proposed research (and vice versa, of course).
In addition to a paucity of literature, much of what currently exists is probably outdated - some of it goes back 15 years or more, which means they probably don’t fully capture what comprises “modern day” athletic preparation for elite sports.
There are probably quite a few citations I should take out, and that will happen in the course of condensing my writing, which also needs to happen in the next draft or two. But I have resigned myself to the fate of the never-ending reference list since I am attacking the problems from a multidisciplinary perspective. Which naturally means that I have to know a bit across all the major disciplines, and I have to cite them accordingly! So that’s how you get to 190+ references, my friends.
An aside: I wonder if EndNote has an upper limit of references that it can maintain in any one library?
3.30AM. I have spent most of the last few hours trying to get rid of some adware/malware that jumped onto my system instead of, you know, actually working on my confirmation documents. Blerg!
Nevermind. I just emailed the second draft of my literature review to my supervisors, missing sections and all. But I’m not overly concerned. I decided to leave content out entirely for those sections rather than copy and paste from my first draft because the blank doc approach has been working really super well for the flow in my writing. Also, my first draft was more like a shit review…this draft is in far better shape, and I know the currently blank sections will be better if I take the time to respect the story I am trying to tell.
Aiming to have the second draft of my research proposal to them by Friday. Still pressing for an end of June final deadline for the document, though a part of me has been thinking that it is unlikely because it doesn’t give my supervisors enough time to read my drafts and give feedback. Normally, I allow for a two to three week waiting period for draft feedback, but if I want this doc done by the end of June then I don’t have that leeway.
Team meeting tomorrow; we shall see what the big wigs have to say! But for now…bed :)
The thing is that I have written thousands of words in really cohesive paragraphs over the last two weeks, creating work that I’m reasonably happy about at this stage of the drafting stage…but I still feel like I have so much to write and BOY AM I GOING TO BE HAPPY TO WAVE GOODBYE TO JUNE.
1. mingling - you’re an douche bag if you use the word mingling. do you know how many other words you can choose? a fucking lot. you don’t need to use this word. i especially hate you if you say you’re single and ready to mingle. if you’re single and ready to mingle you’re going to be singling and mingling for the rest of your life, so have fun. despite the fact that it’s an obnoxious english word, it also could undoubtedly be mistaken for an asian name: ming ling.
2. panties - if you use this word, ever, i’m going to automatically assume you’ve raped at least 7 people in your lifetime and have no plan to stop. that, or you roofie people steal their “panties” and hang them on your wall. either way you’re a fucking creep so congratulations.
3. epic - back before every asshole threw this word in front of everything they were doing, the word epic actually had some meaning. very few things that occur in ones lifetime should be referred to as epic - it’s like now if i hear that something was “epic,” i already know it was lame as fuck. your spring break vacation was not epic. i’m sorry, but getting sloshed faced, hollering at bitches and fist pumping until your hand falls off doesn’t even raise a bar on the scale of being epic.
4. faux - first of all, there’s no need to put that x in the word. it’s a word that explains itself. which is somewhat like an onomatopoeia. except instead of a meow, which is real, this faux is fake. it’s a fake word. at least it should be. faux fur. just say fake fur. fake fur. NOT REAL ANIMAL. faux. you’re faux.
5. bling - bling is just diamonds that are faux. so you do the math. also, it could be another asian name.
7. ginormous - gigantic? fine. ginormous? you’re a ginormous ass fuck if you use this word. i wish “mous” was another type of alcohol because this word could be a question ginormous? i’ll take a double gin, on the rocks, please. anyway: STOP. just use a word like huge. big. large.
6. boner - this one’s a joke. obviously. after saying all those words like big and huge, the word boner popped in my head. terrible pun, actually was intended. but seriously. i fucking love boners; the word. the meaning. the actual thing itself. let’s replace all the above words with boner.
i guess that’s all.
reblog for “ming ling”. i haven’t even read the rest of it yet.
A shortcut to customer and co-worker intimacy is to respond in real time. A phone call is more human than an email, a personal meeting has more impact than a letter.
On the other hand, when you do your work on someone else’s schedule, your productivity plummets, because you are responding to the urgent, not the important, and your rhythm is shot.
The shortcut analysis, it seems to me, is to sort by how important it is that your interactions be intimate. If it’s not vitally important that you increase the energy and realism of the relationship, then insert a buffer. Build blocks of time to do serious work, work that’s not interrupted by people who need to hear from you in real time, right now.
On the other hand, for interactions when only a hug or a smile will do, allocate the time and the schedule to be present.
Confusing the two is getting easier than ever, and it’s killing your ability to do great work.
I don’t agree with everything Seth writes, but at the very least, I always find his posts thought-provoking.
Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve broken the cool Tumblr geek code by quoting Seth Godin on my blog, but whatever. :)